


Restart

by eatyournightlock



Category: JBJ (Band)
Genre: Gen, If You Squint - Freeform, OT7, Taehyun-centric, cause I like to torture myself, disbandment fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatyournightlock/pseuds/eatyournightlock
Summary: Taehyun is afraid of the future. Afraid of where it will take his kids next.





	Restart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [All Joyfuls](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=All+Joyfuls).



The funny thing about our mind is that it gets easily distracted. You could forget about a matter you've been thinking about for days in a second, then remember it altogether just a blink after.

When they're like this, going on about their routine like any other day (Yongguk coaxing Rcy to come out from the back of the couch; Hyunbin smothering Tolby with loves and kisses while the feline struggles to free itself; Sanggyun teasing Kenta who confuses another korean word with the same pronunciation; Donghan reading—maybe also actively participating in—an article that's speculating about BTS upcoming comeback.

While him, him waiting the dial tone of his phone call to end so he can order food from their favorite chinese restaurant for his brats), it's easy to forget.

Then Taehyun looks at the suitcases and the sealed cardboards and the trinkets-free living room, and remembers.

*

 

They stay awake until very late on their last night living together.

Having movie marathon because Kenta insists so but eventually leaving it out as background noise as the time goes by.

Then the mood shifts a little after midnight, Kenta giving up and turning off the tv, while Hyunbin dimming out the lights and Sanggyun getting one of his scented candle out.

 

Kenta's a bit drunk after the third shot of soju because he's never that good at handling liquor and starts singing some Japanese ballad no one else seem to know.

Yongguk reciprocates with singing Jay Chou's song and the others (mostly Donghan) are joining in because they actually know (or at least have heard) it, then Sanggyun tries to add rap lines with fake Chinese.

Hyunbin howls and Taehyun wants to cry and laugh at the same time.

 

After a few more toasts (to JBJ, to Joyfuls, to the unknown future, to Tolby and Rcy, to jjimdak, to Republic of South Korea and President Moon, to Produce 101, to Sanggyun's handsome face) and another rendition of Korean national anthem, they fall asleep, draped over each other, just like that.

**

_Life is cruel_ , Taehyun thinks. He has had so many partings but it doesn't get any easier everytime.

And he mulls over how it always leave him a little empty in the end.

 

Because he knows he has left a bit of himself each time, in everywhere he calls home.

In his parents house, in Hotshot, in his krumping dance fam.

And lastly, in this motley crew the six of them make.

***

 

Taehyun's body aches the day after because they sleep on the hard floor, but his heart aches more.

They're watching the morning news idly while eating the cooking Kenta has thrown together with all the leftovers they have, when Hyunbin announces that his agency manager has arrived to pick him up.

 

Looming over him to say goodbye, Taehyun realizes that everything about Kwon Hyunbin is full of the word _over_.

Overgrown (not that Taehyun is conscious about his size, thank you very much— he's at least 1 cm taller than a certain Mr. Ha); over-excited, over-sensitive.

He gets ecstatic with the most random antics and then gets hurt the greatest.

 

Taehyun would like it if Hyunbin will always be able to do anything he wants in the future.

 

(Taehyun watches him hugging Kenta, Sanggyun and Donghan, watches him kissing Tolby and Rcy and finally hugs Yongguk for a longer time than anyone else.

“I’m going to miss sleeping holding hands with you, hyung,” Taehyun overhears.

And Yongguk gives Hyunbin that soft smile of his.)

 

Sanggyun is the second to go, not long after. Giving a deep sigh as he picks up the handle of his four wheeled suitcase as he's done saying goodbye to everyone.

Kim Sanggyun—Taehyun ponders, watching the guy’s back—who is his pillar, will always be his beta, his second-in-command, silly as he is.

Sanggyun is a good hyung.

 

Taehyun remembers watching him teaching Hyunbin more insightful know-how about rap, consistenly helping Kenta with his korean, pulling Yongguk out more of his shell, going along with everything Donghan wants. All in his own playful way.

 

Taehyun wishes, prays that Sanggyun will find somewhere else he feels truly belongs.

 

(Because Sanggyun’s the only other one who knows what it feels like.

To see your dream falters in front of graphic charts and numeric stats they can’t even begin to fathom.

To understand that talent would only take you so far in this harsh industry— as they talked over a bottle of beer when everyone else is sleeping.)

 

Yongguk phone’s rings a little after 2pm, marking his departure. He goes to Taehyun first, giving the leader a one-arm hug while his other hand struggles with the cats carrier.

Taehyun laughs a little because he knows Yongguk has never been that good in showing affection (and he could’ve put down the carrier for a second.)

Kim Yongguk is still all around an awkward presence and Taehyun adores him for that.

 

And Taehyun needs Yongguk to be happy, no matter what it takes.

 

(“I’m going first, hyung.” He says, giving Taehyun a little spasm of his mouth that can pass as a smile “Thankyou for looking after me after all this time.”

Taehyun nods, smiles back and watches him bid his farewell to Donghan and Kenta—to whom Yongguk finally make an effort to put down his cats carrier so he can hug his earliest, closest friend freely—)

 

Their maknae gets picked up next after Yongguk. And he gives Taehyun the tightest hug out of all of them.

“You’ve work hard, leader-nim.” He says, giving Taehyun his usual handsome grin.

Taehyun laughs and pats his shoulder in return.

 

Kim Donghan loves the loudest, tosses his affection left and right, and Taehyun's gonna miss his kisses—annoying as it is—.

He’s young and raw (maybe that’s the thing about youth), and Taehyun has never met someone who’s more suited to be an idol than Donghan.

 

Taehyun hopes Donghan will always be able to stand on stage where he shines the most.

 

("The future looks empty," Donghan said in their last concert, breaking down the way Taehyun had never seen him breaking down.

And it terrified— _still_ terrifies—him. Taehyun never want to see everyone hurting his kids ever again.)

 

“So it leaves you and I, huh?” Taehyun finally speaks as the door closes behind Donghan, turning to see the only other one left.

Kenta’s eyes are brimming with tears. But he’s not crying, not really.

 

(And Taehyun knows they're not going to cry. They've cried plenty during their Epilogue concerts and they really want to leave JBJ as good memories more so they promise they won't cry again.

They've promised to meet everyone again and he's damn sure all of them will try their hardest to keep it true, like always.)

 

Takada Kenta, Taehyun supposes, has to be one of the purest soul he’s ever met.

He barely gets angry and in return, everyone loves Kenta because he’s Kenta. It’s that simple.

The guy has come all the way up here with only will power and passion.

And eventhough the members like to tease Kenta about being the weakest, deep down they also know Kenta's actually one of the strongest from all of them.

 

And Taehyun wants Kenta to know that everyone will always have his back, no matter what he does.

****

 

 

Taehyun is the last to go. (Not because he wants to, but because he heard Hotshot members were adamant to pick him up and Junhyuk-hyung just happened to lose the company car key the last minute and found it hours later in Moonkyu's dirty laundry—at this time, only Taehyun realizes the weight of a leader's role—)

And he decides to check all the doors and windows again, just because, before going down.

It’s a strange feeling seeing the kempt bed (Taehyun has begged everyone to at least make the bed up properly for their last day), the empty drawers, and the void of noise in the hall.

Much like when they first arrived and he was the earliest to come. Taehyun blinks as he feels the déjà vu rushes over him. And something tightens a bit in his chest.

Noh Taehyun (who, he doesn't know himself,—maybe not the kindest or wisest, but—is the best leader JBJ could ever hope for, with his frank, straight-forward, brusque caring) finally closes all the door and leaves.

*****

 

Noh Taehyun wakes up just to see the blinding 04:45 on his phone screen (and to hear a certain Mr. Kim snoring again somewhere in the same room.) Before he ponders about the universe for a while as everyone who is in their disoriented state will does so, until he fully wakes up and realizes who and where he is.

It's been a few days since, but that uneasiness in his chest hasn't loosened up.

 

Taehyun takes a deep breath, and then decides on something.

 

He opens a messenger application in his phone and scrolls down until he finds a group chat long abandoned there and types quickly.

 

* * *

JBJ (7)

 

_— This sunday, Han river._

_— JBJ gather?_

 

* * *

 

He holds his breath, and finally smiles as he sees something

 

_(Kim Taedong is typing.....)_

 

 ******

*

**Author's Note:**

> I read someone’s tweet about JBJ has existed long before Fave invested in them. And though that much is obvious, it’s also such an epiphany that it inspired to write this.  
> To JBJ,  
> 내 인생에 들어와줘서 고마워요 TT TT


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